


Untitled Draco/Harry Crack Fic

by GMTH



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bondage, Crack, Gift Fic, Humor, M/M, Meta, Micropenis, Prompt Fic, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-07
Updated: 2006-06-07
Packaged: 2018-10-27 22:34:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10818141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GMTH/pseuds/GMTH
Summary: The first -- and ONLY -- Harry/Draco fic I ever wrote.





	Untitled Draco/Harry Crack Fic

**Author's Note:**

> If you know me at all, you know how much I loathe Draco Malfoy. But I owed a friend a ficlet, and she asked me to write an H/D ficlet based on the prompts "Hagrid's cabin" and "forgiveness." This was the result.

"Nothing good can come of this, I'm telling you, Potter." 

Harry flapped one hand in Draco's direction. "Shut it, will you?" he whispered fiercely over his shoulder. "If she doesn't realize we're here, maybe she'll leave us alone."

Draco shook his head. "It's no good," he said, making no attempt to keep his voice down. "She promised her friend she'd write about us. Together." 

"No way. She'll never be able to do it. She hates you." Harry's grin was the smuggest Draco had ever seen, and given he was Lucius Malfoy's son that was really saying something. 

"I know," Draco said, frowning. "That's what worries me." 

"Relax." Harry turned away from the screen and settled back against the headboard of Hagrid's bed, crossing his legs at the ankles. "She's procrastinating again. Another hour or so surfing LiveJournal, and she'll get tired and go to bed. We just have to sit here quietly and wait her out." 

"I mean, I'm not worried about her killing me or anything," Draco said, as though Harry hadn't spoken. "Thank God her friend made her promise not to do that. But I just know she's going to write me as a whiny little git. And I'm not like that." Draco's face darkened as Harry suppressed a snigger. "I'm not!" Draco said through his nose, stamping his foot on the floor so hard Fang awoke with a snort. "I'm really, reaaalllly not!" 

"Good going, Malfoy," Harry hissed, sitting up straight again as the sound of fingernails clicking on a keyboard echoed through the cabin. "She's opened a Word document."

"Yeah, but she's just staring off into space," Draco replied, leaning forward to look surreptitiously over the writer's shoulder.

"That's never a good sign, trust me. Last time she had that look on her face, I ended up in bed with your father." 

"Oh, ew." 

"Yeah. She's got some kind of... fetish for him or something. Thinks he's fascinating. She always writes him as really suave and dangerous." 

Draco snorted. "Wonder what she'd think if she knew Father once told me he was envious of our accountant because his life was so much more interesting than his. Oh, there she goes again. Back to her friends page." 

Harry glanced at his watch. "Just a little while longer," he said, twirling his index finger in a circle as the second hand swept past the twelve. "She's bound to give it up as a bad job soon." 

They fell into silence. Harry stared at his watch a bit longer, then sighed and retrieved a copy of _Furries Weekly_ from Hagrid's bedside table. Draco chewed his fingernails, his brows drawing closer and closer together as the minutes ticked by. 

"You know, I don't get why she hates me so much," Draco said, spitting a remnant of fingernail across the room in Fang's direction. "She keeps referring to me as a 'vicious little snot.' And have you seen the comment links on her LJ?*" 

"You should be glad," Harry replied absently, turning the page without looking up. "Better to be a character she doesn't like and won't write about. Can you believe she's put me in bed with Snape, too?" 

Draco goggled at him. 

"Yep. And they're established relationship fics, to boot." 

"Wow. Snape?" 

Harry nodded, lips twisting into a moue of disgust. 

"Wow," Draco said again. "Has she even bothered to read the books?" 

"Dunno. Don't see how she can have done, seeing who her favorite pairings are." Harry sighed and tossed the magazine aside. "It's awfully quiet out there," he said, shifting uncomfortably. "Wonder what she's up to?" 

"Maybe she went to bed." 

"Nah. Her laptop's still on." 

"Maybe she went for a cigarette, then." 

"I hope not. That's where she does her most dangerous thinking." 

"Here she comes." Draco's voice had dropped to a nervous whisper. "Oh, I don't like that look." 

"I think we're in trouble," Harry whispered back. 

"Oh, God..." 

The clatter of typing filled the cabin again. "What does it say?" Draco asked, covering his eyes. "I can't look." 

"It's probably better if you don't," Harry said, his voice despondent as his clothes melted away with one tap of the delete key. Draco yelped, his bare skin going a deep shade of pink, and dropped his hands into his lap. 

"I can't believe she's actually doing this," Draco said, his eyes wild as he cupped both hands over his groin. 

"Believe it," Harry said grimly. "I -- whoa!" Harry's hands dropped away from between his own legs as his cock started to fill and lengthen. And then fill and lengthen some more. And then more. He leaned back on his hands and watched, his eyes growing wider by the second as his prick continued to swell. By the time it finally stopped twitching and dropped onto the bed under its own weight, Harry was sure he could have given Hagrid a run for his money. 

"Wow," he whispered, awestruck. "This is _amazing_. I've never _seen_ one this big!" A sudden cry of alarm made him snap his head in Draco's direction. "Oh. Have to be careful not to move too quickly," he murmured. "I'm all dizzy." 

"Never mind that!" Draco wailed, waving his hands frantically toward his crotch. "Look what she's done to _me_!" 

"What?" Harry bent low and squinted at the spot Draco was indicating. "I don't see anything." 

"Exactly! It's practically disappeared!" 

"Oh. OH." Harry straightened up again, grinning. "Well, looks like I'm top, then." 

Draco's pale face went chalk white. "Oh no, Potter. You're not putting that bloody thing in my -- ahhhh!" The keyboard clattered loudly as Draco performed a graceful pirouette on the bed, landing face down on Hagrid's pillow, his arse high in the air. " _Do_ something!" he cried, his voice muffled by the pillowcase as several cords snaked along the quilt and bound his ankles and wrists to the bedposts. 

"Don't worry, Malfoy," Harry said cheerfully, tugging on the cords to make sure they were secure. "I intend to." 

"I will never forgive that bitch for this," Draco said, grinding his teeth as Harry knelt between his bound legs. 

"Look on the bright side," Harry replied, pulling Draco's hips into position. "Her friend will never ask her to write about us again after _this_."

**Author's Note:**

> *The reference to the comment links on my LJ comes from the fact that I had customized the links at the bottom of each post that usually read "Comments" and "XX New Comments" to read "Avada Kedavra!" and "XX Dead Dracos" instead. :)


End file.
